Last Updated on April 22, 2025

What procrastination is really about

Most of my coaching clients are neurodivergent, creative people.

So most of my clients struggle with procrastination.

But why is that?

Is that because we are lazy?

Absolutely not.

I believe it’s something entirely different:

Procrastination is not a desire to avoid the task, but to do it without stress.

Doing what we love

This especially applies when we’re doing something we love.

Something that’s precious to us.

We’re not wanting to avoid doing it.

We totally want to do it!

So why aren’t we doing the authentic, real, important thing?

Because we don’t want to do it from forcing.

We don’t want to take the thing we love and turn it into something we hate.

Just as school turned the joy of learning into something we hated.

Just as gym class turned the joy of movement into something we hated.

Just as work turned the joy of creating things with others into something we hated.

In other words, we don’t want to do what we love from The Punishment Paradigm.

Leaving punishment behind

From early childhood and throughout school and work, we’ve been forced to do things we hate.

In fact, we’ve done this so often, we’ve come to believe this is the only or best way to get things done.

That itself is the belief that forms The Punishment Paradigm.

When we believe the only or best way to get things done is with fear and pain, we start to associate pain with doing the thing.

For things that are so precious, sacred, and enlivening to us, we don’t want to expose these things to that harshness.

It’s a kind of violence against our souls.

We want to protect our precious hearts of pure love from being trampled on (again).

Because that would destroy the most important thing in our lives.

The very thing that gives our life meaning and purpose.

Since we think the only way to get things done is with fear and pain, we unconsciously think it’s better to not do the important, sacred, meaningful work we are here to do.

But obviously, that’s not an ideal solution.

Luckily, there is a much better way to do things.

We can motivate ourselves and others with love and joy instead.

Leading with love

All fitness influencers now say, “You don’t need motivation, you need discipline!”

But most people who exercise consistently don’t see it as a chore.

They see it as a fun hobby!

Something they love to do and miss when they are forced not to do it.

We’ve been educated to believe that feeling joy is not enough, that loving to do something is not enough.

We believe we need to force ourselves to do the right thing.

This is a massive assumption.

It assumes human beings are “naturally” lazy, unmotivated, and bad.

But what if that was completely false?

What if doing things from joy and love was actually easy and fun, and the best way to be “productive”?

No need to force what you love

Motivation through fear and pain is like burning coal for energy.

It might “work,” but not without serious side-effects, including inevitable burnout.

Whereas love and joy are like using wind and solar for energy.

As long as the breeze blows and the sun shines, you are good to go basically forever.

And there’s no toxic waste you need to clean up later.

Even when the sun sets, it’s still shining somewhere.

And so is your love always present, deep down, for that which you really care about.

I do not need to use “self-discipline” to love my wife.

I just love spending time with her!

What if you didn’t need to force or discipline yourself to do what you loved?

What if you instead could do it out of love, and stop when you no longer felt that joy?

Then you’d never “ruin” it with The Punishment Paradigm.

It would always remain sacred, precious, and meaningful to you.

And procrastination would be a thing of the past.

Take care,

 

 

 

~Duff
(they/them)

P.S. If you want to learn how to live from The Progress Paradigm more and more, consider joining my weekly coaching group The Joy of Doing.