Every week we celebrate our small wins, and transform failure into feedback with forgiveness. Over time this re-wires your brain to no longer fear failure. You will become excited to experiment!
The most stressful way to do things is to feel like you have to or must do it. When we live from "have to mode," we don't feel like we have a choice. This leads to feeling inner pressure or fear, and ultimately burns us out.
This is why the first step to enjoying the process is to increase your sense of choice. What if you felt like you don't have to do it, and you don't have to do it any particular way?
Then you could connect with why you want to do it, and explore easier and more enjoyable ways to get it done.
We are more limited by our map of reality than reality itself. When we delete the possibilities from our map, we can't see the way forward. As a result, we feel shut down, hopeless, or exhausted. We only see ways that things "can't" happen. We get into "can't mode."
When we can open to possibilities, we instead become excited to experiment. Even when we don't know the answer, we can see that there absolutely are things we can try now. And if we try enough things, success is inevitable! We can do it!
To survive in the African savanna, our ancestors developed a mind that has a "negativity bias," oriented towards noticing threats. As a result, we tend to over-focus on fears, mistakes, and flaws.
To reverse the negativity bias of the brain and enjoy the process of trying new things, we can practice taking in the good. We can celebrate our tiny victories — including just attempting something new that hasn't worked yet. And we can also focus on our strengths, increasing our self-esteem and motivation.
Taking in the good is the key to reversing low mood and achieving happiness in the here and now! It also develops inner resources we can utilize for healing and integration.
Punishing ourselves for making mistakes feels terrible. This can be a source of self-hatred, anxiety, and shame. Not an easy and fun way to do things!
Instead, we can turn FAIL into AFLI, a 4-step process for responding resourcefully to failure:
1. Acknowledge the truth: What happened? Just the facts, no shame or blame.
2. Forgive yourself: It's OK, it happened. You're human. Take 10+ seconds to really feel kindness or compassion.
3. Learn something new: What can you take away? What did you learn?
4. Iterate and improve: What can you try ASAP that might work better?
When we transform failure into feedback with forgiveness, we start to no longer fear mistakes or negative feedback. Instead, we see it as a process of learning. And learning can feel highly enjoyable!
Many times we make things "hard work," as if doing things the needlessly hard way is a virtue. Instead of making the easy difficult, we can make the difficult easy. This means we get more progress, more easily.
Challenging ourselves can be enlivening and feel like an exciting adventure! The key is to match the challenge to just at the edge of our abilities or slightly beyond.
We can even find ways to get into ecstatic flow states. Flow is one of the most enjoyable of all human experiences, and there are ways to engineer experiencing such states more often.
When we put too much on our plates, we feel overwhelmed. We can do it all, just not all at once.
By doing less at one time, we find ourselves making more progress, more enjoyably. We can get more absorbed into what we are doing, and feel like what we are doing is enough.
We can learn to let go of needless activities and needless effort, improving our focus and our fulfillment.
All too often, we forget that we are interconnected with everyone and everything else. We might think that we must do everything ourselves, or that no one would want to help us.
Often times there are ways to work together that make things 100x easier and more enjoyable. That can look like co-working, collaboration, outsourcing, or just remembering that other people support you!
For entrepreneurs and creatives, this can mean learning to give up control and trust other people to be on your team. Once you do however, the feeling is that of tremendous relief, because you don't have to do it all yourself!
When we imagine the world is a dog-eat-dog competition, we feel negative emotions like envy, jealousy, and even get mad when we see other people succeed.
Or we act like a martyr, allowing others to win as we self-sacrifice.
But if instead we see the world as a place where we can all win, where it is an "infinite game" that can benefit others, we experience sympathetic joy for other people's achievements, while also going for what we want.
When we go for win-win, we create better relationships and experience more happiness. We can truly make the world a better place for all.
"It would be hard to recognize the progress I’ve been making without this group. A lot of things have changed, but I wouldn’t have noticed them without these regular meetings."
"I always feel good after this group. In another group I’m a part of, it’s deep but I don’t necessarily feel good after."
"This group has helped me see my patterns really well. I’m writing about the same thing over again, so I’m more conscious now. I’m treating it as a science experiment and seeing possibility."
"This has been an amazing year. I feel like even though I went through a lot of hard stuff, I am so extremely grateful to be alive. This group has really supported me in that positive mindset."
Money Back Guarantee
If after the first month you feel you have received no benefit from the group, just email me to cancel and I'll refund you the $47. (Note: This only applies to the first month of group membership, and not to Hypnotic Coaching sessions or subsequent months.)