Last Updated on April 29, 2025
The most important distinction you can make
Once upon a time, a man lived in Ancient Rome as a slave.
That man’s name was Epictetus (pronounced Epic-tee-tuss).
One day Epictetus’ master was beating him.
He did not fight back.
Instead he said, “If you continue, you will break the leg.”
And unfortunately, that’s what happened.
From then on, he was a disabled person and walked with a limp.
But Epictetus’ spirit was never broken.
His power remained unbreakable.
What’s in your power?
In fact, Epictetus eventually purchased his own freedom.
And then he became a famous tutor for wealthy boys.
Wealthy parents sent their sons to Epictetus to teach them virtue.
He taught them how to live well, despite difficult life circumstances, such as…
- The death of a child from the latest plague virus
- Dealing with people who make logical-sounding illogical arguments
- Being deported (exiled) by an oppressive government
- Being threatened with torture or death by an oppressive government
- And even what to do at dinner parties when everyone is talking about superficial topics
So even though he lived from 50 – 135 AD, much of his advice is still relevant today.
Epictetus taught many things.
But the most important distinction Epictetus taught was this:
“Some things are within your power, while others are not.”
This may sound too simple to matter, but it’s a distinction that goes extremely deep.
You always have a choice
Epictetus often told stories to illustrate his point.
One time he told a story of a wealthy man who was going to be deported (exiled) for pissing off the government.
His deportation was scheduled for after lunch.
Everyone around this man was sad and angry about the injustice of the situation.
But he was unusually calm.
He simply said, “It is not yet time to leave. Until then, we shall enjoy this lunch.”
Another time Epictetus was talking about what he would do if government goons were threatening to chop off his head if he didn’t give up secret information.
His response?
“Did I ever say my head could not be removed from my body?”
In other words, he had already decided he was unmanipulable.
The power of “no”
You see, Epictetus knew a deep truth about reality:
No one can force you to do anything you don’t agree to doing.
No one can force you to feel anything.
No one can force you to say anything.
Because your “no” has incredible power.
If everyone knew this, authoritarian governments would fall apart instantly.
People would simply say “no” and it would be done.
That’s why they use fear and pain to try to motivate obedience.
They want to fool us into thinking we have no choice.
But nobody can take away your power.
It is absolute.
Power to the peaceful
In a certain war-torn country in the world right now, many people are starting to refuse military service.
They know the penalty: 60-90 days in military prison, and probable torture while they are there.
But they refuse anyway.
Because they have remembered what’s up to them, and what’s not.
If it were up to me, things in the world would be very different.
But it’s not my job to run the world.
And thank goodness!
I’ve got enough on my plate as it is.
Honestly though, I often forget about this simple distinction from Epictetus, the poor disabled slave.
Whenever I feel angry, afraid, or sad about the state of the world, I have forgotten my ability to say “no.”
But luckily, we can remember our power at any time.
We can say things to ourselves like…
“No, I will not be led by the world into despair.”
“I choose to lead the world into love and joy instead.”
“Whether anyone follows me or not is their choice.”
Remembering what’s most important
Our interpretations of events are in our power to shape.
Which means our emotions are in our power too.
When we can accept everything not up to us, we feel at peace.
When we own everything that is up to us, we feel powerful.
Putting these two things together I call “The Way of Peace and Power.”
And the point of this power?
To remember what is most important and precious in life:
Love.
The purpose of power is not to cause harm, but to keep our precious heart of love intact and fully functioning.
This is not only the solution to all your personal problems.
It’s also the solution to all the world’s problems.
It’s a paradigm shift from what I call The Punishment Paradigm to The Progress Paradigm:
The more you make this shift in yourself, the more you automatically invite everyone around you to make it as well.
And no one can stop you.
Take care,
~Duff
(they/them)
P.S. Want to learn how to embody more peace, power, and love in your life, for your personal benefit and to heal the world? Join my weekly Joy of Doing coaching group.
