Last Updated on September 23, 2024
The anti-depression formula
Let me start this article by saying I’m a coach, not a therapist.
So I don’t diagnose or treat mental illness.
That said, I was depressed for nearly 20 years.
I’m no longer depressed, and haven’t been for a long time.
And yet I still do struggle sometimes with feeling sad, down, or stuck.
So I came up with what I call “the anti-depression formula.”
Thinking about it this way is extremely helpful for me.
So maybe it could also be useful for you.
The core of depression
The way I think about depression is that it has a core set of feelings.
These are feeling hopeless, helpless, worthless, or that life is meaningless.
Notice that these are all absolutes.
It’s not that a person feels 48% hopeless and 52% optimistic!
They feel 100% hopeless.
It’s “nothing I do will make any difference at all.”
When we are in a depressed state of mind, we go black-or-white, all-or-nothing.
So one way out of depression is to get into a spectrum of possibilities.
For example, you can put things on a 0-100 scale.
Or you can imagine having a dial or slider instead of an off-off switch.
Testing your predictions
Making predictions can be another way to break up absolutes.
This is one way I’ve worked with my own hopelessness.
I might notice my brain going, “That will never work!”
So I ask myself, “What do I predict will happen?”
This makes me slow down and really think about it.
I try to make as accurate a prediction as possible.
And I also open myself to being wrong about it!
Then I further ask myself, “And how much confidence do I have in that prediction?”
This gives me distance from my prediction.
I might feel very strongly that something isn’t going to work…
…only to discover I only have 20% confidence in that prediction!
Updating your beliefs
If I have a very high confidence in what I think will happen, that’s also a signal to myself:
“If I’m wrong, this would be something important to update!”
Making a prediction and checking my confidence in that prediction gets me into a learning mode.
If my prediction is for doom and gloom, I want to be wrong.
How great would that be if my feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, worthlessness, and meaninglessness were proven incorrect!
Really I win either way.
Either I discover my prediction was right (this time), in which case I can feel good that I had an accurate belief.
Or I discover my prediction was wrong, in which case I can update to a more positive mindset!
And even when my prediction is right, I often learn something new, something I wasn’t noticing before.
Of course, many of my black-or-white predictions are very wrong!
And over time, making predictions like this also helps me gently question my thoughts when I am overtaken with negative feelings.
Cultivating antidotes
The opposite of hopeless, helpless, worthless, and meaningless is something like hopeful, capable, valuable, and meaningful.
So the anti-depression formula is simply to do things that cultivate these states!
That could be to make predictions to update your beliefs.
Or it could be asking yourself questions like, “I know there are things I can’t do, but what can I do here?”
It could be focusing on your strengths, and finding ways to use them every day.
Or it could be deeply contemplating what is truly meaningful to you…
…and then doing more of that!
One of the things I find deeply meaningful is sitting on the couch, doing nothing at all.
Just resting and letting things settle inside.
What things are deeply meaningful to you?
If you don’t know, maybe it’s time to run some experiments.
Take care,
~Duff
(they/them)
