Last Updated on May 6, 2025
Stop trying to fix the world — it isn’t broken
The world is in chaos right now.
At least here in the United States.
Within a month or two, the effects of our glorious leader’s tariffs are predicted to result in empty shelves and significant inflation.
And then there’s war, genocide, AI, and breakdancing humanoid robots.
I’ve been doing through my own crisis around the state of the world for a while now.
But I’ve recently had a breakthrough.
I’ve decided to stop trying to fix, change, heal, or save the world.
That doesn’t mean I no longer care though.
Allow me to explain.
Undoing co-dependence
Many years ago, I was a freshman in college and met my first girlfriend.
Like me, she was a sensitive, neurodivergent human with strong emotions.
And like me, she would often get into negative emotional loops.
Trying to save her from her suffering, I’d follow her right into those loops.
Then we were both stuck!
It was only after our relationship ended badly a couple years later that I learned about the dynamics of co-dependence.
I had a therapist tell me something that totally shocked me:
She said, “You’re not responsible for her feelings.”
I didn’t even realize until that moment that I believed I absolutely was responsible for her feelings.
If she felt bad, I believed it was my fault and I needed to fix it.
But the truth is, if we had never met, she would also have felt anxious and depressed sometimes.
All without my help!
Over many years, I figured out how to not do this rescuing pattern in my relationships anymore.
I don’t try to fix my wife or my friends…because they’re not broken!
Their emotions are OK just the way they are.
And I’m also happy to provide support in any way I can.
Coaching is not about fixing
Similarly, when I work with coaching clients, I don’t try to fix, change, heal, or save the person I’m working with.
I used to think that this was my role as coach.
But now I realize that’s not it at all, actually.
I don’t see my clients as broken.
So they don’t need fixing.
And…change is still possible, if you want it!
In fact, this attitude of “you don’t have to change…and you can if you want” is the very attitude that helps people the most.
Seeing people as broken and in need of fixing puts pressure on them.
Long ago, I accidentally was communicating “you have to change, or else I’ll feel like I’m a bad coach!”
This is a weird kind of guilt trip.
But now I accept that people don’t have to change.
Me included!
I used to think I too was broken and needed fixing.
That belief motivated a lot of my own obsessive pursuit of inner development.
But now I realize I was never broken, and never needed fixing.
And so we don’t have to change.
It’s both true and kind to accept this about reality.
We are OK just the way we are — and we can make improvements.
The world doesn’t need fixing either
A week or two ago I realized I have been in a co-dependent relationship with the world.
At some unconscious level, I believed I needed to fix, change, heal, or save the world.
But now I realize this isn’t my responsibility.
In fact, I thought I had realized this a couple decades ago.
But sometimes things like this have hidden layers to them.
What if at age 45, I’ve already done enough?
What if I never again tried to fix the world, because it was OK just as it is?
Instead of trying to fix what isn’t broken, I’ve decided to dedicate myself to love and joy, and creating from there.
Also known as The Progress Paradigm.
I trust this will actually be more effective in making a difference, actually.
Because I’ve seen this work with myself, with my relationships, and with my clients.
And I know for sure that it will be a lot easier and more enjoyable.
Because this way is filled with love and joy instead of fear and pain.
And that’s how I want to be.
Take care,
~Duff
(they/them)
P.S. Do you want to live from more love and joy and create from there? Join my Joy of Doing weekly coaching group. We’d love to have you. 😊
