Last Updated on May 29, 2025

How to overcome fear of failure

Recently I was chatting with my friend Joy and she reminded me of something I’d forgotten.

Something I’ve even taught coaching clients!

The way to overcome fear of failure isn’t to come up with an amazing plan, and then execute the plan perfectly.

It’s not figuring out everything in advance (which is impossible anyway).

It’s to fail on purpose.

To make it into a game, where the goal is to collect failures!

Rejection Therapy

This is sometimes called Rejection Therapy.

The therapeutic aspect comes from realizing that rejection or failure is OK.

It doesn’t actually damage you to hear a “no” from another person, or even from The Universe.

Despite our nervous systems acting like rejection means certain death.

This “fail on purpose” approach works on two levels:

1. We stop fearing failure itself, or even start to enjoy it!
2. We persist long enough to learn from our failures and actually succeed.

But the first one is actually the most important.

If we can make failure feel fine or even fun, then we can find a kind of indestructibility within ourselves.

Success is just a wonderful side-effect.

Failure Makes the World Better?

To enthusiastically welcome people’s “no” also makes the world a better place.

Because it moves away from forcing, coercing, and should-ing other people.

And instead moves towards consent, love, and win-win.

So “Rejection Therapy” isn’t just for the person practicing being rejected.

It’s also for the person who gets to have their “no” respected and appreciated.

When people tell us “no,” it is therapeutic for them when we go, “Yay! Thank you for your honesty, I really appreciate it.”

Because so often, our “no” was not OK.

And what if we imagine “The Universe” as a person?

We ask The Universe for what we want, and it says “no,” or perhaps “not yet.”

We can get mad at The Universe, think it hates us, and so on.

Or we could go, “Whoohoo! Thanks for letting me know! I appreciate it.”

That might be a more enjoyable way to live at least.

And it can feel like loving Reality itself.

This Week’s Experiment

I myself have been holding back on a project due to fear of failure.

I want to get onto podcasts as a guest, and I even have a couple strategies to try.

But I haven’t done it!

So this week, I’m going to go out and collect some failures.

Exciting!

If I can get rejected from 500 podcasts, I bet I would be interviewed on quite a few too.

And I’d be a lot more comfortable with rejection.

In fact, I just today (Thursday May 29th) took the first step:

I signed up for a service called PodMatch which connects podcast guests with hosts.

And I already got my first booking, for this Saturday!

So unfortunately, I have already failed at failing. 😆

Where are you holding yourself back due to fear of failure?

What if you were to deliberately collect failures as a game?

Or even as a therapy, for yourself and the other person?

Take care,

 

 

 

~Duff
(they/them)

P.S. Want to learn how to live with less stress and more joy? Join my coaching group The Joy of Doing. Only $7 for the month of June, then $47 after with coupon code “7“.