Last Updated on October 4, 2025

Feeling bad a sign of progress?

I’m 46 and have been “working on myself” since at least age 13.

Despite 33 years of self-development with the best techniques on Planet Earth, yesterday I collapsed into an emotional mess.

In the neurodivergent communities, we call it “an autistic shutdown.”

A “meltdown” is more expressive, perhaps involving shouting or crying or rocking back and forth, the fight-or-flight response going haywire.

A shutdown is, well, more shut down.

It’s more about the freeze response, “playing dead.”

Of course everyone can melt down or shut down, not just us autistic folk.

But it’s helpful to have a word for it, to know you’re not alone.

Importantly, I don’t think this is a sign that I suck at transforming myself.

Quite the opposite!

This shutdown was a sign of progress, a sign that I’m doing the hard things.

Unearthing obstacles

I often see this in my coaching clients too.

Sometimes we’ll get an amazing shift in a session, and then they’ll say “it didn’t work” because they felt bad the next day.

But this is exactly how change works.

When we finally do the Big Scary Thing, obstacles arise.

That’s why weren’t doing it in the first place!

These obstacles can be hidden emotions and thoughts, or even bad habits we thought we overcame long ago.

Here’s the thing though:

Running into obstacles on the path is a sign that you’re on the path!

You can only trip over a rock when you’re in motion.

But that’s OK, because you can also dust yourself off and keep on taking steps forward.

The way out is through

If you haven’t lifted weights in years, if you start up again today you’ll probably get some muscle soreness tomorrow.

But by week 4 of doing the same program, you won’t get sore at all.

When people first start meditating, they often feel worse.

That’s because they are becoming more aware of all the things they were suppressing before.

It’s like cleaning out a dusty basement full of junk that you avoid going into.

When you first go down there, you might get a bit dirty.

You might feel overwhelmed by all the stuff in there.

The dirt and the overwhelm are not signs of failure though, but signs of progress!

When you come back to the gym, you can lift lighter weights.

When you first learn to meditate, you can start with just 5 minutes.

And yet, there’s sometimes no way around it.

You just gotta go through it.

Progress, not perfection

Luckily, I don’t experience autistic shutdown every day anymore.

This week it happened because I finally confronted some digestive problems.

I had a call with a doctor and am going to get some tests done.

That was a Big Scary Thing I had been putting off.

And then I quit coffee, chocolate, and tomatoes — three of my favorite foods! — to help resolve some painful symptoms.

I’m also doing the Big Scary Thing of growing my business, during a recession, under a fascist takeover of my government.

And yet I’m still meditating and exercising too.

So really, I’m doing pretty well overall. 😊

Later on Friday night, my frozen shutdown state finally melted.

I remembered my resources.

My creative ideas came flowing back in, and now I have a brilliant idea for my next Lead Magnet for growing my visibility.

The point is this:

You don’t have to be perfectly centered all the time to be making progress.

In fact, feeling bad sometimes might be a sign that you are on the right path.

Take care,

 

 

 

~Duff
(they/them)

P.S. Here’s one thing I made yesterday that helped me move through my bad mood, it’s a GPT I made that leads you through interrupting the pattern of stress with some gentle movement. (You might need a paid ChatGPT account to try it, depending on Open AI’s current policies.)

If you try it, let me know how it goes for you!