Last Updated on May 20, 2025

Accepting reality

One of the coolest design features of reality is this:

If you accept reality completely, you experience complete peace.

This means reality is not the source of stress.

Even though it often appears that way!

It’s only our resistance to reality, our desire for reality to be otherwise, that causes us stress.

It’s not about being passive

That said, most people misunderstand what it means to accept reality.

We think it means to be passive.

Or even a little depressed!

But here’s the thing:

Reality is always changing.

Every atom in the entire Universe is in motion.

Every cell in your body is in motion.

So it’s impossible for things to stay the same.

Are cities getting better or worse?

I recently came across an “unpopular opinion” on Reddit.

The poster said that cities like New York or Austin are still great, with lots of wonderful things to do.

The comments were filled with people disagreeing.

So I guess this opinion truly was unpopular!

The commenters said they lived in New York or Austin or some other city, and in fact, it has definitely gotten worse in the past few decades.

The truth is cities are evolving, changing things.

If you live in any city, at any point in human history, it will change over the course of living there.

And if you are new to a city, nothing has changed “for the worse” in your mind…

…because it’s all new to you!

It’s only when we have expectations or attachments to how things are — and must continue to be! — that we experience things changing “for the worse.”

Annoyance vs. gratitude

Yes, there are things that have changed in cities that you might not like.

And of course there are lots of things that are getting better all the time too.

Even in cities.

Right outside my window there has been noisy, smelly road construction for several weeks.

This is an unpleasant change from the how things used to be.

The other day, I felt annoyed about this.

“When are they going to finish this project already!”

But then I felt gratitude.

I’m really grateful that someone else repairs the roads, so I don’t have to.

Same reality, different feeling!

A beloved old hotel was recently torn down here in Boulder too.

I was sad initially when I heard about the demolition project.

But I walked by it the other day and I was really impressed at the guys moving all the dirt around, laying a foundation for new buildings.

I don’t know the first thing about how to do that!

How do they get it even and level?

Amazing.

While the old hotel had memories and historic value, it was also run down and moldy.

It is the nature of reality that things are always changing.

And when we accept that, we feel at peace, or even joy!

Accepting the reality that you are powerful

The point is this:

Accepting reality does not mean accepting that things will always be the same as they are now.

It means accepting that things are always changing.

And part of accepting this involves also accepting that you have the power to influence this change.

Sometimes very significantly.

People say things to themselves like, “I need to accept the reality that I’m getting older.”

But that deletes the possibility of making improvements as you age.

People try to accept the reality of their perceived limitations and disabilities.

But that deletes your power to influence the course of things, or even lean into your strengths.

Yes, we are mortal beings with limitations.

That is true.

And, it’s also true that we have choice.

We often dismiss the reality of our power to influence things.

If you’re not feeling totally lit up by all the possibilities, you’re probably not seeing reality fully right now!

Because there are always infinite possibilities in every moment.

And that’s something you can accept about reality, more and more.

Take care,

 

 

 

~Duff
(they/them)